How to tell what a baby's cry means--a comprehensive guide!

Before I had two boys, I had heard girls were whinier. If that is true, then moms of girls must be going crazy, as my boys can whine like the best of them. Of course, when I think about my guys I usually picture them laughing--and they do laugh a lot. But at times they also whine, and I have learned to decipher the crying and whining before I even look up at them. Here is a comprehensive guide:

Initial whimper followed by an upward crescendo of tears, red face and loud sobbing: This one is usually the real deal. It means they have either had a hand shut in a door, hit their head on a piece of furniture or some other boo-boo. Pain takes a moment to reach the brain receptors, which is why it starts out with a small cry leading into full-on wailing.

Native howling: (A continuous whine that, with drums and dancing, could otherwise be incorporated into a traditional ritual.) This one means they've just seen me take out the jug of milk and they cannot wait for me to pour it into their bottles/sippies. Perhaps they spotted someone holding a cookie a mile away. Or, when they've just been put into their high chairs, this howling ensues until food is granted. And yet again between bites if I'm not fast enough with the spoon. Anytime Mom's just not fast enough providing immediate gratification.

High pitched shrieks: My brother just stole my toy! (even if I originally stole it from him)

Squeals combined with thrashing: I will not take that medicine and you can't make me! Includes nasal sprays, eyedrops, thermometers, nose wipes, and more.

Sobbing, shaking, tears, screaming, thrashing, clinging to me like a tree in a tsunami: This means we've just arrived at the pediatrician and they've recognized the building. Yes, indeed, this show starts from the moment we approach the outside glass double doors until we've safely exited and they spot our car. I won't even go into what happens when the nurse reaches for the needle! I'm already dreading their 2 year checkup, and it's not until July.