A couple of years ago when I was pregnant with the twins I joined a single moms internet board. Since I know very few moms who've had kids without at least starting out married or living with the father, I wanted to find a group of gals in a similar situation to get advice from, talk about single mom issues with and so forth.
It became obvious over the course of a few months that, while we all had that common denominator, it wasn’t quite common enough, as there were two groups with differing situations which basically boiled down to: having bio kids versus not, having kids earlier rather than later (i.e., below age 40 vs. 40+), income ratio, whether you were new to the board or in the current clique that’s been there forever, amount of education (i.e., Master’s degrees vs. PhD’s), etc.
Maybe it’s a case of too much estrogen all in one place, combined with overanalyzing, overeducated people who grew up on shows like Dynasty and Falcon Crest. But, there’s been a lot of mudslinging and cat fighting over such deep, philosophical debates as:
--If you say Chinese kids are smart, is that racist?
--Is it anti-Semitic to support Obama due to his connection with Rev. Wright?
--Will so-and-so have time to go running once she has a baby?
--Is it better to take embryos to day 5 or day 3?
--Is it appropriate to diss people’s blogs on the board?
--Is so-and-so’s blog too cheery?
--Can she really afford to have another?
--Isn’t it insensitive to post a positive subject directly above the thread of someone’s bad news, even if both recent posts were accidently posted simultaneously?
--Did so-and-so lie about taking fertility meds?
--Shouldn’t we shout details of our conceptions from the rooftops, in order to “educate” the greater public?
--And why in the world would former members still lurk on the board?
This last one I think I can answer. It’s for the same reason that ya’ll are reading this blog: free voyeuristic entertainment in a post-Springer, post-Joan Collins world.
My point is, the “second” group, for lack of a better term, has started a new forum, and it’s honestly not to be snarky or back-biting, it’s because there are simply differences and tensions and cliques that sometimes can’t be assimilated, yet we single moms still would like a forum for ourselves—that’s all. And it’s members-only, which I would highly recommend for anyone who doesn’t want lurkers reading their internet posts. I could make this blog members-only and maybe will at some point but for now, when our TV options are no better than American Idol and CSI, it's free entertainment. Enjoy!
ETA: I mean for people to laugh at this, not get mad, really I do!
COMMENTS:
From Aimee: LMAO!!! Amen!! The drama, pettiness, hypocritical statements, & negative attacks were just too much and I'm so happy we found our new forum of freedom.
I was literally floored over the attacks against me from what were merely innocent posts of support and updates. The post about my latest U/S is what really did it! Can I not post about my worrisome high amniotic fluid levels? No one pregnancy is the same and I believe this contributed to my HELLP syndrome, according to my Dr.
What's being taken place on that board is a thing called "bullying" and I find it quite sad that others will conform to the bullies. This allows the bullies to continue with their power trips by verbally abusing another board member. It was basically a "no win situation" and having an opposing opinion to "certain board members", you will get slammed!
Thanks for this post! I love it!! :o)
Love, Peace & Happiness!!!
April 2, 2008 10:05 AM
From Jenn: Boards should be a place where people go for support in regards to the things that are thrown their way in life...Don't get me wrong, I think constructive criticism is healthy, but there is a CLEAR difference between criticism and flogging. The bulleying and abuse of others was so prevalent it was just sad. After a while, I felt guilty just for ignoring it and not standing up for the person whom they were attacking. When I was attacked on a personal and professional level just because I held a view on something that differed, I was hurt. I guess there is no freedom of speech and opinion on that board. When that treatment was allowed and not reprimanded as inappropriate, I was ready to move on.Our new board is great and is just what all of us needed!
April 2, 2008 5:21 PM
From Heather:
Isn't a sad statement when we look for support, etc and it gets twisted into something ugly and mean? It's one thing to be devil's advocate but to make actual personal attacks and judgements when a person hasn't walked in that woman's shoes is just pathetic. So, what's the new single mom user forum? lol
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