Got asked out...and then not

Why not share a slightly funny, though all too typical story with my gentle readership. There was this great looking guy who worked at my job as a contractor (his contract ended a month ago, fortunately) who was in my morning meetings with me. He was one of several in the room and it was hard not to notice him just from an aesthetic perspective because he was so attractive. But I didn’t think much about him, as I’m not interested in the too-good-looking guys, because 9 times out of 10 they are arrogant.

After about 3 months in these morning meetings, by chance we crossed paths in the parking lot on the way to the building and he said hello and struck up a conversation. But then another couple of months passed and right before Christmas break he sort of pulled me aside after the morning meeting and chatted me up about innocuous holiday plans and so forth, for a long time. I thought, wow, he’s nice AND attractive; two qualities that rarely go together in most single men, from my experience.

Right away I mentioned that I’m a mom of twins. Most guys normally get whip lash running the other way when I say it, so I always bring that up immediately. This guy wasn’t daunted, as he’s a single father of two himself, divorced for 3 years. It took him another month to work up the courage to ask me out (over email, the chicken!) and we went to lunch.

The lunch went well. He told me a little about his divorce, but I was happy that he didn’t ask me about my situation; I just hate dates that feel like an interview and the guy is asking if I’m receiving child support and a hundred other None-of-Your-Business questions. This guy passed that test, as he very respectful about it.

The second lunch was going great until he told me he belongs to some megachurch. I deplore megachurches and find that oftentimes religious guys are too judgmental. BUT, I figured this one had suffered some hard knocks, having gone through a divorce and he already had given up on the notion of a perfect nuclear family for himself, as I have. So I soldiered on.

This saintly pace continued as he asked a week in advance for the third date—also a lunch, which I accepted. Now, this date I felt much more comfortable than on the first two. We’d also spoken on the phone a few times and emailed, plus we had known each other at work for 5-6 months. So after he told me about his having gone to Mexico to get a mail order bride (he didn’t use that term, but she was 18 and he was 26 and he barely knew her), then after she had an affair with their next door neighbor, followed by another with the guy she’s married to now, after she tried to commit suicide and a whole host of other problems, they divorced and fought for custody—well, call me confident, but I felt comfortable sharing, in the most abstract of terms, after he asked, the fact that my kids’ father is not in our lives and that I’m happy this way with no complications.

This was the ax, my friends! He tried not to look shocked at this horrid revelation, but when he made some statement about how he thinks that people who don’t intend to get married to the father of their kid should consider adoption instead (???), then I knew that could come between us. But I played it cool and we were friendly and even stayed a bit longer before leaving to get back to work.

But his demeanor had changed. Still, after the soap opera he’d just divulged to me, I didn’t expect he wouldn’t ask me out again, but when he let me off, I knew he wouldn’t. Men are easy to read. I don’t mean this as an insult, it’s just the way they are. I haven’t heard a word from him since before I went on my vacation, and I’m good with it. No hard feelings and all that. It does slay me though that men, if you say no to a date with them, they want to know every detail regarding why, but we as women are just supposed to accept their whims without questioning them.

Alas, I’m not bitter! I actually hope some people get a good laugh out of the fact that this guy’s As The World Turns story which is 10 times the stress of mine, had him shaking his head over my situation as a single parent. Men!