Parish Picnic Pills & Reunion Trial Run

(Caption: Lm finally gets to the games unfettered at our parish picnic.)

Yesterday I braved the parish picnic with the boys. When they were first born, things were really tough, then slowly it got easier, however now I’m back where I started. In short, they are in that Terrible Twos stage.

Lm is a little bulldozer, he just takes off and there is no telling him no; plainly, he will not listen to me and does not care the way Lk does. He threw a few tantrums at the picnic, I couldn’t get him to eat, couldn’t eat myself really, and he kept opening and shutting doors (my place has a knob-stopper on every door so he can’t do this). Finally I took him outside, but that was just as bad. They had a tent set up with games and he kept grabbing the game pieces (toy cars, ducks, the wheel spinner). When I’d take his hand to pull him away, he’d lay down and cry and make a big scene. Lk was just really clingy and wanted me to hold him the entire time. They have good hearts, they’re wonderful kids and love to play with other kids, etc, it’s just their age and I know it will pass.

Still and all, it did highlight how we don’t really fit in at these things. Like Jenn once said, taking her family out feels like a traveling circus show. Well, that is how I feel sometimes going out with my kids and parents—it’s just such an odd setup. No one sat with us at our table, so I felt bad for my folks, as I know they would have been able to visit with people had I and the boys not been there. I tried to rectify this by taking the twins outside so they could enjoy their coffee and desserts, but after 5 minutes I had no choice but to go back in and ask my mom if she could keep an eye on one while I chased the other down the street.

Anyhoo, I digressed! Saturday night, I went out with Heather and another woman who was in our high school class, who I had not seen since graduation. We’re all in the picture above. K looks amazing, she is now a flight attendant, and always was kind of glamorous—a cheerleader, had been to Hawaii, etc. She’s still much the same, and makes no bones about anything; no topic was off limits after our third margaritas! She’s getting a divorce and is excited about starting the single life; I hope it bodes better for her.

Pure

Below are the words to one of my favorite songs of all time, a synth-pop hit that came out in 1990. Warning: it’s super saccharine and over the top in the love category! So it’s kind of funny that I like it at all, as I can’t stand romantic comedies, romance novels, or anything too sappy.

No, if the book or film has a happy ending, I would rather not see it. Some of my favorites will bear this out. Sylvia Plath's Ariel collection, which she wrote just before she stuck her head in the oven, typifies my taste in poetry. For films: Capote, Husbands and Wives (Woody Allen), Titanic, Kill Bill, and Interview with the Vampire. Books: The French Lieutenant’s Woman by John Fowles, The Stranger by Albert Camus, The Sound and the Fury by Faulkner, Alexandria Quartet by Durrel, A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth, to name a few.

But with this song, it’s just so over the top that you can’t help but love it. Plus, the guy on vocals has an English accent! Verses 3 & the last one are the best.


Pure by The Lightning Seeds
-----------------------------
night time slows, raindrops splash rainbows
perhaps someone you know
could sparkle and shine
as daydreams slide to colour from shadow
picture the moonglow, that dazzles my eyes
and i love you

just lying smiling in the dark
shooting stars around your heart
dreams come bouncing in your head
pure and simple every time
now you're crying in your sleep
i wish you'd never learnt to weep
don't sell the dreams you should be keeping
pure and simple every time

dreams of sights, of sleigh rides in seasons
where feelings, not reasons
can make you decide
as leaves pour down, splash autumn on gardens
as colder nights harden, their moonlit delights
and i love you

just lying smiling in the dark
shooting stars around your heart
dreams come bouncing in your head
pure and simple every time
now you're crying in your sleep
i wish you'd never learnt to weep
don't sell the dreams you should be keeping
pure and simple every time

look at me with starry eyes
push me up to starry skies
there's stardust in my head
pure and simple every time
fresh and deep as oceans new
shiver at the sight of you
i'll sing a softer tune
pure and simple over you

if love's the truth then look no lies
and let me swim around your eyes
i've found a place i'll never leave
shut my mouth and just believe
love is the truth i realize
not a stream of pretty lies
to use us up and waste our time

lying smiling in the dark
shooting stars around your heart
dreams come bouncing in your head
pure and simple every time
now you're crying in your sleep
i wish you'd never learnt to weep
don't sell the dreams you should be keeping
pure and simple every time

look at me with starry eyes
push me up to starry skies
there's stardust in my head
pure and simple every time
fresh and deep as oceans new
shiver at the sight of you
i'll sing a softer tune
pure and simple over you
pure and simple just for you

Treehouse Twins & Congratulations

I don't know what we'll do this winter when we can no longer spend our evenings and just about every waking hour outside. My little monkeys are real climbers now. They love to play in their "treehouse" which is a part of their swing set. In a few years they will probably be hanging "No Girls Allowed" signs up.


They also like to hang out on the porch and sit on the glider chairs.

...and Liam likes to sit IN the side table.

Hi!

A little wet from the sprinkler...

"In jail" on the porch...

My guys look so indestructable outside playing, but so vulnerable when asleep.

Congratulations goes out to my neice, Sophia. She called me last week to say, "Tee-see! (my name), I pee-pee on pot-tee!"

YAY, Sophia! My sister has been trying for months to make it happen. She tried everything from an Elmo video about using the potty, to commands, to trying to hire it done, to bribery ("if you pee on the potty, all of this will be yours" she said to Sophia in the toy store).

"She's riding her new bike today!" my sister announced with the kind of pride reserved for the top 3 moments as a parent of a child: their birth, the first tinkle in the potty, and graduation.

Now, however, the pressure is on me. Before, I rested on the laurels of having a neice who is 10 months older than my boys and not trained. Tonite I really should at least take their potty that I bought a year ago, out of the box.

Murders Near Home

On Sunday morning some neighbors (in this rural area, anyone within a 5 mile radius is considered a neighbor) were murdered in their front yard. A guy who was on a crime spree and pumped up on meth went there probably to rob them, as he did not know them, and shot them on their front lawn.

While driving home from church I noticed a police cruiser on our road, and I figured someone had smashed a mailbox as that is the biggest crime we’ve ever faced in our quiet, bucolic area. Then in the early afternoon I got a call from a neighbor/friend/fellow tree-hugger, B; she said that a couple was murdered nearby, and some friends of my parents who live even closer had had their car stolen before that. And the killer was still on the loose!

I told B that perhaps I should get my dad’s rifle out of the shed, but having never used a gun (and hating them) I would be more likely to shoot myself in the leg or something, and she said she’d probably end up shooting the wrong person. Would an attack dog be better? The problem there is, I’d be just as afraid of a big dangerous dog as a killer; my last dog was a sweet, floppy-eared basset hound named Angel, and for my next one I would want a gentle maltese or poodle.

As it was, we locked the house down and I picked out a spot in the basement to hide with the boys if it came to that. However as late afternoon arrived, I let them out to play in the frog pool. The day itself was a beautiful day, not eerie at all, except for the tall corn rustling and the otherwise total quiet. (You can see how tall the corn is now in the pic.) That night, my mom and I went around and locked all the windows tight in every room and pulled all the blinds and put the chains on the doors.

The next morning as I was driving to work, I still didn’t know who had been killed, but in my mind flashed a picture of a woman I used to work for at my first job out of college, when I moved back here from Boston in the mid-90s. Very strange, as I had not thought of her since then. When I got to my desk, I read that they identified the victims, and it was she and her husband. I cried a couple of times since then. She was so sarcastic and fun to work with; she and her husband had just moved out to the country when I worked with her, and she’d waited her whole life to do so, she really loved and appreciated being out here. And she gave me a great reference which helped me get my first “real” job after graduating.

Then her picture came out and I thought maybe it wasn’t her after all, because her hair is so different and she’s older, but unfortunately it is her.

They caught the guy finally, the next morning, and I thought of my grandma, who told many times the story of when Starkweather was on the loose. She and my grandfather had their guns ready at the door and lived in fear for a solid week. One of Starkweather’s victims was a childhood friend of hers who had introduced her to my grandfather at a barn dance years earlier.

One thing I’ve wondered is, would this couple have moved to the country if they could foresee what would happen before? (Even though your chances of getting shot in town are probably 200% higher.) I would honestly think, yes. I know I would rather be shot on my front yard at the age of 60 than live until 90 somewhere that I didn’t like to live. So I’ll continue to take my walks at night by myself on long stretches of deserted country roads and leave the doors unlocked most of the time. People like to think they have control over the big things, but in the end, we don’t.

He Said, She Said

(double click to read the cartoons better)

Gossip and Not Caring

[photo courtesy of post/secret]

My mom got a call from our neighbor the other day, who said that, since she was sure we knew anyway, that everyone around was talking about it, and that her son’s family can’t even go into the local gas station without everyone staring at them now, we may as well hear it from the horse’s mouth: her grandson is in the clink for yet another DUI, this time he rolled his ATV and broke two ribs, and will go to rehab.

Now, this was the first time we heard it. Not only is no one talking about it, no one would probably think much of it, and if they did, it would be forgotten two days later.

Living in a rural, small town-ish area, there is that perception that people are interested in everyone else’s business. The truth is, no one really gives a flying fig. Any schadenfreude is usually only a reflection of relief—it takes the heat off our own transgressions and misfortunes for a minute. Because, we all have them! Usually it’s the people desperate to make their lives look perfect who are a train wreck just waiting to happen. For instance, I have a cousin who is a wealthy surgeon. Every year for the past 25 years, we would get the most annoying Christmas letter from his wife. She went on about their travels, her volunteering with the junior league (whatever the hell that is), their mansion, their accomplishments. In short, she had a wealthy husband and three kids, all of them good looking—and why not shout it from the rooftops every year?

No doubt you can see this one coming: they’re currently in the throes of an acrimonious divorce that rivals that of Chris/tie Br*ink*ley’s. “I never did like her,” my aunt says now of my cousin’s wife, though they were always smiling and kissy-kissy on the outside. Last year, would you believe we still got a Christmas card from the woman! She sent a photo of the kids on the beach with simply the words, “Love,” and her and the kids’ names—no mention of my cousin, even though he is our relative, not her. It’s probably a horrible thing to admit, but I did feel a brief moment of glee upon hearing this news, as now it takes the heat off me being the only single parent in my entire family on both sides of cousins.

Because, once it was set it stone that I was going to be a single parent, I believed a lot of people would just want nothing to do with me anymore. Crazy, I know, but we all think this way. In fact, the very opposite has happened—I’m a lot closer to people than ever before! People have just seemed to come out of the woodwork to be supportive. And it’s humbled me a bit, too. Now that any hope of having even a glossed-over image of a perfect life is totally shot to shit, it’s like people are more relaxed around me and I around them, and we’re much more connected. Others open up to me a lot more.

And, even in this area where everyone knows everyone, a woman at church who I’ve known peripherally for over 20 years, asked me a couple of months ago when I was there with Lk, “Who is he?” “My son,” I answered. “Wow, I didn’t even know that you were pregnant. It’s so hard to keep up.” See? People really DO mind their own beeswax, for the most part, at least in this small community.

Zoo Time & Free Recipe

This weekend Cori came out and we took the boys to the zoo. She's married to my brother in law's brother, so she's kind of like a sister in law. I think I will have my boys just call her "aunt" from now on, as she is kind of like an aunt to them.

It was hotter than Hades, and the indoor nature center was closed :( so we only stayed an hour and didn't ride the train. The temp was about 100 degrees. They got to see a clown when we first got there.

Cori is trying to show Lk this furry creature...

I didn't take any pics of it, but Lk really enjoyed feeding the goats! We bought some food out of a machine they had, and he sat on my knee and kept giggling while feeding the animals, it was adorable. Lm just wanted to run all over the place while Cori gamely tried to catch him.

Next we went to Lazlo's, one of my favorite restaurants. While driving there I almost passed out, even with the air conditioner on full blast; it was rather scary, as everything just started to turn black as we pulled up to a stop sign. Probably I just needed some hydration.

At the restaurant my guys got to color Spiderman with crayons, and eat french fries, apples, and beans.

Lm tried some fried rice and seemed to really like it.

Cori helped him along...

Sadly, their Backyardigans water sprayer already bit the dust! They only had it for under 3 weeks before it burst. We didn't even have the thing turned up more than half speed, either. At the risk of sounding like a redneck, I tried to tape it back together with duct tape, but it was like trying to pull out a gray hair: when you pull one there are 5o more, and so it was with the water toy.

Alas, Grandma came to the rescue with this frog pool! It was on clearance. It's a kiddie pool and sprays water out the front. My guys love it!

Okay, here's the recipe. I'm no Julia Child, but someone showed me how to make these kabobs, and they truly are THE BEST. The key is the marinade. It's called "Allegro Hot & Spicy" and I can no longer find it in stores so have had to order it online at $8 per bottle. However, it is worth it.

Just marinade the steaks for a good 12-24 hours after tenderizing. Cut them up into little squares. Then you need a green pepper, an onion, and mushrooms (or you can use tomatoes, or both, or neither). Then just cut the vegetables to fit on the kebobs. Don't pack the kebobs too tight.

Basically the only way you could screw it up is if you cook the meat too long. I like my steak a little pink in the middle and the onions and pepper a bit crisp. Put the cover on the grill and turn them over every now and then. I usually mix myself a martini while they are grilling, and back in the old days, I'd smoke a couple of cigarettes while waiting.

Have a plate ready to take off the end pieces which cook faster. Now, when you eat this, it's like a bite of heaven. To eat it right, don't just pop a pepper in your mouth and start munching. You need to get the meat, onion AND pepper all in the same bite for the full effect. It is amazing!

Feelings vs. Reason

Every time I hear someone say, “Love is a decision,” it makes me cringe.

The first time I heard that, was back when I was dating Joe, the Opus Dei guy, and we went to Smith & Wollensky. It was a beautiful evening. Strange what one remembers sometimes, but more than the food at this fancy place, I recall that Joe somehow got the tiniest drop of steak sauce on his white shirt, and an obsequious waiter came dashing over and wiped it out immediately.

Maybe it was the wine we were drinking, but suddenly Joe said, “We should think about engagement.”

“Why?” I said. “You don’t even have feelings for me, you don’t love me.”

“True,” he said, “but I have a physical attraction for you. And, love is a decision; I am making that decision.”

Lemme tell ya, my linen napkin nearly turned into a hankie, so moved was I by this outpouring of emotion! Sad thing is, I did have feelings for him at the time, and while he was probably merely disappointed when we parted not long after, it took me months to get over him. Ironically, he ended up crying on my shoulder, and said he was worried b/c there he was in his mid-30s and he’d never loved anyone and thought that he didn’t have the capacity, and that maybe he should choose an Asian bride since they are the most beautiful anyway. (By the bye, that ended up not panning out for him either.)

At the time I just felt sorry for him; I thought how empty it must be not to have the capacity to love anyone with feeling. This was nearly 13 years ago, though, and with the perspective of time, now instead of feeling sorry for him, partly I think he’s actually the more fortunate. Thinking of love as a decision only, at least there is not the risk of getting hurt, and there’s certainly something to be said for that!

If only one could decide who to love based on reason alone, imagine the possibilities. Myself, I can’t even decide rationally who to like, let alone who to love. I always end up trying to like people I dislike, and liking far too much people I shouldn’t. Basically I make most rational decisions based on feelings, not the other way around. Which, I concede, could be a rousing endorsement for doing the opposite.

Why I'm a Tree Hugger

As you can see, I'm about the luckiest person in the world to get to live in what is possibly one of the most beautiful places in the world and growing more extinct by the minute--the family farm. I grew up here, built a place here in 2006, and am lucky enough to get to raise my boys here as well. My goal is to live here the rest of my life. We know our neighbors, love our neighbors, and have the best neighbors in the world! Anyone who has lived around us for less than 30 years we would consider "new neighbors," and of course we welcome them with kolaches and a warm welcome.

I take a long walk every night on our property or the nearby roads after my kids are in bed (whether it's 0 or 100 degress or even pouring rain), and am always stunned at the beauty surrounding me. No matter what a shit day I've had, going on my walk never fails to put things in perspective.

In 2006, this peaceful existence was threatened when a shady developer bought a plot of land 2.5 miles away and filed plans to put up a d/rag s*trip! I was horrified. Someone came to my door with a petition to try to block it, and I jumped on that train, got really involved, spoke in front of the county commission, met often with our neighborhood group, attended hearings at the courthouse, researched economic failures of other strips to present to the cty board, emailed the board on several occasions, prepared a speech to deliver at the hearing, and got to know all the neighbors really well. It was such a bonding experience; some people I'd known just generally from church or whatever, but we all really got to know each other after this. And such diversity in our group, too! We had gay couples, a minister, Mennonites who home school, the wealthy, the poor, the old, the young, from every walk of life. All of us brought together for one purpose: to stop this horror from happening in our backyards.

And thank heaven we did! B called me the afternoon before the hearing and said the developer decided not to present. We wore him down finally. Even one of the commissioners emailed me personally to tell me. There were some people who were FOR this horror wrecking our land, and I still feel so strongly about the issue that I have trouble not getting over it with these people, however mostly the relationships have been repaired. Still, our group now is a model for other groups trying to stop development. If I didn't work full time I would be devoting myself more to this cause which I feel stronger about than any other, on par with healthcare.

"People are more important than insects or animals," is the defense of people who have no respect for the environment. I don't get it. How is wrecking our land "for the people?" How is looking at steel and concrete supposed to be more inspiring than looking at wheat fields or grass or flowers?

Lately the big local issue is whether to save the tiger beetle. Some articles in the local paper are quoting that "economic development" (read: making developers more wealthy) is more important than a bug, and that we're "losing" $88,000 per beetle that we save by not paving over them. Let's see...would I rather spend the money on a beetle or put it in the pockets of someone who wants to force us to stare at concrete and tract homes...I vote for the beetle!

(Below is what my backyard would have looked like had we lost...)