Lm in his new digs & BIGTIME Daycare Woes

Here is my Lm all tucked into his full size bed (I didn't have another toddler bed). He is out of his pack n play!

But don't let these sweet pics of my little man fool ya. Last night he was up screaming past 11pm and drove me to delerium. I have a bad cold and am home sick today what with only 4 hrs sleep last night. Lk wouldn't go to sleep until 11pm either. They used to go down at 8pm on the dot.

Part of it can be attributed to the new beds, yes, but most of it I blame on the unhealthy daycare system that they are in. It was great at first. T was enthusiastic, loves babies, but is not so great with older kids. Most kids leave there at 2 and a half or so. Then in summer of 08 she had that heart problem and after that her personality changed overnight. She quit communicating with me altogether. Her mom runs it with her and is a bitch but I put up w/ that b/c T was nice. Then I put up with everything due to the limited options in a small town and the only daycare being out of my price range.

The FINAL STRAW though has been the last few nights when my twinks are bouncing off the walls and I found out for certain that ALL they do at T's ALL DAY LONG is either 1. take naps or 2. Watch TV.

(rant continued below)

Recently L&L's best friend Jacob left to go to preschool (he's a few months younger than mine. Now mine are the oldest there with no playmates, and here are the other issues that worry me.

1) She won't assist with potty training AT ALL. Won't put them on the potty nor allow them to wear underwear there, only pullups. In fact she gave me a big lecture about not trying hard enough--with only the weekends to "try" then how the hell am I supposed to succeed if she refuses to assist??

2) The biggest catalyst is that they are FORCED to take a 2 hr 15 minute nap each day and they are unfortunately DONE with naps which means--THEY ARE UP TILL 11pm each night and it is KILLING ME.

3) The naps would probably not be as big a deal if they weren't spending nearly the entire day watching TV which I did not know before, I found this out from Lk who's suddenly talking about all these characters like Square Bob, Diego, Wonder Pets, Max & Ruby that I didn't even know existed, and today I called Lm's SPED teacher who visits twice monthly and she told me last time she was there all the kids were sitting there in their high chairs at 10am watching TV!! I was appalled, to say the least. It's one thing to have them watch a show in their high chairs as they are eating breakfast at 8 which I knew they do when I drop them off at 7:45 but to STILL be in those high chairs at 10am!! I had no idea! What do y'all think of this??

4) She only lets them play outside if it's between 70 and 90 degrees which is like what, 90 days of the year? She also has taken in foster kids in the past yr which is more lucrative and I get the feeling she spends more of her time with them. No wonder they are bouncing off the walls ALL NIGHT LONG! This was not a biggie in the summer when they could run around the yard after I picked them up, go to the park, swim and so forth and I could tire them out that way.

But last night was so bad that I got a screaming migraine, dropped them off at daycare this morning, then called my boss and went straight to the town's Daycare Center and spoke an hour to the coordinator/main teacher there. I could have wept with relief, it sounds like the answer to all my problems--get this--if they have a blowout, they actually WASH their clothes instead of handing me dirty clothes in a bag that have been sitting there for hours, they DO potty training FOR you AND let them wear underwear, they take the kids outside (big fenced in play area) twice daily if temps are between 30 and 100 and it's not raining or snowing AND they do a weekly 3 yr old class, crafts, etc. They told me the roster of other 3 & 4 yr olds that go there etc so they will have playmates! Also they are open till 6 so I won't have to rely on my mom to pick them up at 5 since I get out of work at 5 with an hour's drive home.

God help me, I am signing them up! They will start right after Christmas (we'll be in AZ for over a week so why pay Trina or the other place for time I'm with the boys myself?) I need to do my budget this afternoon.

Hence, THE PROBLEM. This will cost me $60 more a week or, when you count holidays and the times Trina took off and didn't charge me for, about $3500 per year! OUCH! And as of Jan 1, my paycheck will go down $150 per month at minimum due to health care premiums rising! Plus my car is over 10 yrs old w/ 117K miles on it and needing repairs constantly w/ my 2 hour daily commute. I have cut every corner I can!

I applied for a 2nd job cleaning at church which I could do on Saturdays or 1 evening a week when the boys go to bed, but doubt I will get the job. Pure and simple I can't afford this daycare but I also can't let my kids become zombies until preschool starts either. I'm just so upset and emotional right now over my kids not getting the daycare atmosphere that they need!

Pics of Us via Photog Lk

When you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Lk is obsessed with the camera now and wants to take pics all the time! My crazy guy. Last night he actually got some pretty amazing ones:

Mommy:

Lm with his red lollipop...

I took a couple of my budding photographer...

It's uncanny how much he looks like me when I was little!

This is a great one he got of my mom!

...and his brother with cherry lollipop all over him!

Pictures of Mommy

My big boy has now spent 2 nights in his new bed. Last night I snuck in his room after he fell asleep and he was curled up like a cat at the end of his bed wrapped in his quilt and looked just as he did as a newborn baby. So sweet!

Tonight I tucked him in and he goes, "Mommy, I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"Monsters," he said sadly. WHERE did he get this notion as I have never even mentioned that word to him before.

"There are no monsters."

He pointed behind him to the closet. "In there," he said.

"All that's in there are your shoes and coats. Plus, Elmo's a monster, did you know that? And he's your friend."

"Mmmmm...." he was unconvinced.

"And, Mommy's right outside this door and would never let anything hurt you, okay?"

Well, he said that bringing out the camera and letting him take pictures would make him feel better (he plays me like a fiddle!) so I acquiesed...


He wanted to take a picture of me but still has not quite mastered the centering of an object...

So I bent down to try to get in the square...

Next up: Lm!! We've got a lock for his bedroom door from the outside now (for fear of him escaping into the winter night--he WOULD do this) so soon he will transfer to his big boy bed also. Stay tuned!

Lk in his new room & His Reaction

Last night when I went to pick up L&L from daycare, I announced to Lk, "I have a surprise when we get home!" "Oh, thank you!" he gushed. "I love Surprise!"

In the car I told him he has a brand new bedroom.

"Don't want brand new," he said.

But once we got home, he was in awe and LOVES his new room! I made a big deal about him being such a big boy now and how special to have his own bed instead of the crib, etc. The weather was nice enough that I said we should go outside until supper, and he said, "No, Mommy! I'm staying in my Surprise!" and he wanted to play in his room with Lm for awhile.

Nightfall was difficult though as I knew it would be. He was frightened of the stuffed globe on the white drawer set and made me remove it from the room. He has a nightlight but last night he demanded I leave his door open. With a small house like mine, it meant I had to tiptoe and be super quiet. The bathroom is right across the hall and even with the door shut, he kept trying to talk to me: "Mommy, are you on the potty? Can I flush?" I went in the computer room and shut the door but he kept jabbering and singing.

I asked if I could take his picture of him on his first night in his new bed:

He said I could but only if I let him take a photo, and so here is his:

I took the camera back and got a shot of him laying down.

He gets so darn serious when I pull the camera out so I told him to smile. He's my sweetie-pie!

He finally fell asleep around 10:30. I heard a thump and ran in. He had rolled on the floor so I put him back in bed and he cried for awhile and FINALLY let me go to sleep. Tonight I hope goes better!

Lk's New Room!

I took today off to get a few things done around the house. This is a HUGE luxury but also a daycare issue as she needed me to pick them up early today and with a 1 hour commute to get them it wouldn't have made sense for me to go in to the office today. SO I took a "day off" which has basically meant I've done nothing so far other than clean.

When you're a single working mom of twins, there is just NEVER an opportunity to do the basics. And now that Lk has stopped his afternoon naps on the weekends I'm really hosed! They're still too young to trust them "alone" in the next room or on the front porch for more than 3 minutes, and even a simple task like taking out the garbage is hard to do when they are around. So today I worked like crazy in Lk's room. Once he goes to bed, I can't clean it.

Today I made an executive decision. I dismantled his crib and set up his toddler bed with the crib mattress. Then I rearranged some of the furniture, organized his toys, cleaned out all the drawers and closet, separated the clothes that are too small for the boys, and voila, this is the result:

Notice his name is on his blanket....his aunt made this for him when he was born. This is his elephant that he sleeps with at night.

These quilts on the wall were made by my cousin Jean for them when they were born. My friend Tim gave them the stuffed globe for their birthday. I took all the clothes out of this white wire drawer set and it will now hold toys. My grandfather made this bookcase years ago.

Above his bed hangs one of my favorite pictures, it's an angel watching over 2 children as they cross a rickety bridge.

Here's his humidifier, and the mess outside his door. Lots of stuff will have to be stored in the basement! The crib took me an hour to disassemble with no proper tools and in the end I sort of just ripped out the wood.

After 4 hours of effort, I decided to take these photos, because once Lk actually starts living in it (ie, comes home from daycare) he will trash it eventually. It was embarrassing the way it looked before. These photos could well be the last time I see it looking nice!

I have no illusions. Do I expect that Lk will say "Wow" and be all excited about his new room? Hell, no! He'll be absolutely horrified that I took away his crib and that his toys are not covering the entire floor. He may refuse to sleep in the bed at all tonight. Of course I'm going to present it very positively and tell him what a big boy he is and how beautiful his new place is...we will see how it turns out.

Wish me luck! Later I shall post about his reaction. Now I'm going to take a walk, then pour myself a big glass of wine and sit on the front porch before I go pick them up from T's.

January in October

Well, we had a cool summer so I guess we were bound for a winterish fall and no doubt a North Pole winter. Likely though it'll reach record temps of 75 here from Christmas Day until NY Day since we'll be in Arizona, where it may monsoon during that time. Sounding negative and feeling it, after all these days trapped inside the house with 2 active kids who want to be outside. I gamely spent the morning outside with them, freezing, though it was 43 with no wind.

I'm one of those people who CAN'T STAND the cold. I won't even step outside my home if it's below 50, normally. I won't leave the office for lunch if it's not at least 50 either.

"Is it Christmas?" Lk asked this morning when I put on for the first time this year their mittens and hats.

"Not yet," I go. Thankfully we will be in AZ this year.

Lm's Recovery

As mentioned in my previous blog entry, Lm split his lip trying to play Tarzan from Grandma's wall rosary. It was really scary-looking that night, 3 times the size of these photos and I was near to tears but trying to stay strong for my baby to calm him down. It's been a rough few nights, as he's woken up in the night (2:30am) and wants attention and ibuprofin. My poor little bird! So I've gotten very little sleep. Last night was the first night I got 7 hours in several nights.




Mostly he's been a happy boy except when I put the Neosporin on. He loves the taste of the ibuprofin and has been asking for it non-stop (he gets it only before bedtime!) by saying, "Mommy! I want more med'cine!" Lk is super jealous that he doesn't get any. It has a sweet candy flavor to it that they love. When I was a kid I never had that luxury! I remember it tasting really disgusting.

Here's my boy building a tall tower.

I go, "Oh, I love that tall tower!" and he said, "No, Mommy! It's a pirate ship!"

Well, ex-cuuuuuuse moi!

In the end, we were really lucky; his teeth did not go all the way through his lip and no stitches were needed. Though I called often, we didn't actually have to endure a trip to the dr's office either.

Wish I could say Mom's rosary was doing as well...it's broken in like 3 places and might be tough to repair...

Dangerous Rosaries & Tarzan

Lacking an actual photo of the two-ton wooden rosary my mom has hung in her hallway, I found this picture that, though much smaller, gives you an idea of the look of it. On hers, the cross is higher and the whole thing is wider and lighter, but you get the picture.

Last night as Mom and I were cleaning up after eating, Lm snuck around the corner and turned his toy container on its side, climbed up, and tried to swing from this thing like Tarzan! We had no idea till he ran screaming into the kitchen with blood all over him and a split in his lip.

It was panic city! My poor baby had split his lip very deeply. There's not much you can do for a cut that deep on the inner lip, no stitches, bandaids, etc. We got some gauze out and I taped that down and gave him some ibuprofin immediately. Then I held him for about 2 hours to console him. This happened at 7:30 or so and he cried for a half hour, then would stop, then start again until he fell asleep for the night at 2:30am. I called the nurse but again, there's nothing they could do if I brought him in, so I didn't.

My poor baby! I had to really fight back tears (and a little squeamishness) as I nursed my boy into a calmer state. We couldn't even figure out what happened until this morning when I noticed that rosary broken and hanging in pieces from the wall! The toy container was nearby. Putting our detective powers to work, we figured out how he must have injured himself.

It seems like there are no end to the dangers that my kids can find...

I get no end of laughs from my kids! Lk lately has been fighting me on when to go to bed. Yes, I still have him in the crib. He is comfortable there and feels cozy there. He won't jump out because he's pretty obedient. Except about when to go to bed. "MOMMY! MOMMY!" he calls out every 5 mins or so until 10:30pm. "Dropped my truck!" he'll say, then I hear this thump on his floor as he's obviously thrown it. He just wants me in there.

I tried a night light, a little angel one that I was saving for the special moment when one of my boys might like it. He said he was scared of the dark so I plugged it in. "Get it out!" he cried as soon as I shut the door. So I shut it off, but that wasn't good enough for him! He wanted me to unplug it and take it out of his room.

The summers are easier as I can sit on the front porch and not have to hear him but once fall hits, I'm stuck because the living room is right next to his bedroom in my little 800 sq foot living area! Lately I've been going in the basement to get away from his crying that he doesn't want to go to sleep.

Last night he FINALLY dropped off and though he's shorter than his crib, he likes to have his legs between the bars, as shown. He really cracks me up.

The problem: he no longer needs a nap. He sleeps for me at 8:30pm on the weekends if I don't have him take a nap. But daycare forces a nap on him, then he keeps me up half the night.

Can't Take It Anymore

“Why didn’t you come to me sooner?” is the question that lots of people and bosses in the past have asked me when a crisis is looming. By the time I bring it to their attention, the crisis is usually past the point of no return. “Why?” Here’s why: 1) I try to solve the problem myself, 2) Mentioning a problem can backfire, 3) The other person may resent you for asking for help, and 4) Likely they couldn’t do a damn thing about it even if they wanted to.

Once I reach the point where I feel a situation is basically hopeless, I just shut down completely and let the chips fall where they may. That is where I am right now with my job. I have managed thus far to barely pull off the façade of going with the flow, but after last week, I just don’t think I can do it anymore. I work with a complete ass who sits in the cube right across from me. We had a big blow out on Thursday, much to the entertainment of many cubemates sitting nearby. Essentially it was over the fact that, though I’m the senior writer, he is constantly checking over my work and telling me what he wants changed, even though we write completely different manuals. Well, I told him what he could do with his suggestions (ie, orders). “Why are you getting so defensive?” he yelled. And it went on from there, with me telling him his suggestions were wrong in the first place and showed him the email from Marketing that said so. Our voices were apparently raised enough decibels that I got congratulatory emails from people as far as 4 cubes back thanking me for telling him off.

Not a big deal in and of itself. The problem is the Perfect Storm that developed over the past year since my boss was fired. He had interviewed this prick and another coworker asked her former colleagues at the company he worked for what he was like as a coworker. These were the emails she got back: “He’s the young stupid we hired two years ago.” “He hates women.” “Please take this arrogant jerk off our hands.”

We went to my boss with this and he agreed not to hire the guy. But then HE got fired. So our other writer quit. That position had to be backfilled and our new boss promptly hired this prick. And yes, I did talk to him about the problem at my review. But all he cares about is retiring to his ranch in Texas in 2 years. Then he wants me to take his job as manager of the department, so any problems with this guy wouldn’t be a problem. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE NEXT 2 YEARS???

Plus, with the whole team gone but me, I now work with 3 right-wing dumbass men who spend all of Monday morning talking about Saturday’s football game and have Kenny Ches/ney ring tones on their phones, and think women are dumb and that I don’t deserve my position of Sr. Writer when they are Junior ones. So the 3 of them huddle up half the day whispering and talking shit about me, none will work with me, they diss me in meetings, and for my part, I just try to remain as invisible at my desk as possible and don’t speak to anyone unless spoken to.

It was not like this before, with the old doc team. We were all like family, and I still keep in touch with all of them.

On the 30th, we had RIFs due to a recent merger with another company, causing more stress. We also have anti-trust lawsuits up the ying-yang and a lot of bad press. Usually I have breathed a sigh of relief when I’ve dodged a RIF but not this time. Not this time.

Here is how low my morale has become: I walk down a different hallway to avoid them, I take my lunch break after they get back, I take my vaca on days with the most meetings, this week I’m packing up all my personal stuff from my desk, I have all but quit working so I’m really only a physical presence there 90% of the time and a work presence 10%, and MAYBE I will talk to my boss’s boss or HR about this condescending prick, if for no other reason than to cause him some grief.